No bucket list for me

There are times in your life when you make a mental list of the things you want to do before you die. They call it a bucket list, and sometimes people who learn they are terminally ill make such a list and try to check off the items.

Often the list includes places to visit: New Orleans, the West Coast, Alaska and Bermuda, Europe or even Africa. Other times it would be specific activities: fly a plane, skydive, scuba dive, rappel or rock climb. It would be that book they meant to read, or write. The old friend they wanted to track down, the lost love that they wanted another chance to romance.

Nope.

While some of those things, like rock climbing, the West Coast, or writing a book, might be things I'd like to do at some point, if I were terminally ill, I wouldn't be rushing off to do them.

I'd be doing exactly what I'm doing now.

Standing at the Dobson Christmas Parade with my daughter and granddaughters, I soaked up their smiles and giggles like a dry sponge thrown in a bucket of water. And it's not like it's an infrequent opportunity that I treasured because of the rarity. After all, next to the girls' parents I'm their chief caregiver. I spend most of my cell phone minutes talking to my daughter in the morning. We frequently get together on the weekends and holidays.

But the fact of the matter is that these moments, no matter how many or how few, are irreplacable. If I were dying, I wouldn't be sad that I'd not seen the Pacific Ocean, I'd be sad that I didn't get to spend more time with the little people that have turned my life upside down the last two years.

Although they are small now and probably won't remember these long afternoons at my house, they will grow and I want to be a part of the memories they carry forward. While my "Ma Mary" has been gone for almost six years, she lives on in my memory and in the stories I tell my grandchildren. Being a part of the legacy that forms a child is the closest to immortality that we can find on earth.

As far as I know I'm healthy and may someday get around to doing more of the things I'd like to accomplish, including taking a vacation with my husband. But if that were to change, don't look for me to take off for an Alaskan cruise. I won't be trying to check off items on a bucket list.

I'll be right here, filling my bucket with drops of precious memories.